you hurt me,
you know you did
you left my chest empty

I moved on,
got new friends; got a life.
experienced a summer that was truly magical
that hole you left?
gone
it left me whole

but wait,
today I slowed down
this life caught up with me
I'd forgotten what's important

this morning I severed some ties,
vowed to make some changes
my desicion left me feeling right,
happy even.

yet
I came home tonight and found an unwanted guest
the hole
right here in my chest
almost like before
but now, bigger

it wasn't healed
just covered,
for a while

I've been a mess lately.
Crying, whining, and treating people terribly.

A lot of crap has happened.
Life can be pretty sucky sometimes.

Today though I had a realization: I'm tough. Maybe not physically, but emotionally.
I can handle this.
I've decided to grow up and act like the nineteen-year-old I am.

I was brave today and did a really difficult thing.
I WILL stick to my decision.

Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
I need to let go and allow him to take over.
I'll be okay.

I'm tough.

Today was the worst day ever.

I have been waiting for weeks for today so that I could talk to my missionary. I woke up at 5:45 this morning because I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I thought he was going to call me himself or I would be invited over to his families. Well neither happened. I would have been fine if he was just talking to his family but his best friend got invited over and got to talk to him. But not me. I had my hopes up so high. I'm crushed. It really broke my heart. I can't stop crying.

I know I sound dramatic but I'm dying without him.
I was counting on today.

Today is my last day as an eighteen-year-old.

The day I turned eighteen the Metro Station song Seventeen Forever came on and I cried. I hate growing up. It kills me.

I've only got one more year as a teenager. That's not enough. Not even close.

saddest

So now I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss, never thought we'd have our last kiss.

Last night I had a nightmare,
the first in a long time.
It was one of those dreams that paralyze you,
I woke up and was too terrified to even move.
After laying completely still for fifteen minutes I got the courage to get up.
I ran to Quincie's room.
She let me share her bed with her for the rest of the night.

Sometimes I get so jealous it makes me cry.