you hurt me,
you know you did
you left my chest empty

I moved on,
got new friends; got a life.
experienced a summer that was truly magical
that hole you left?
gone
it left me whole

but wait,
today I slowed down
this life caught up with me
I'd forgotten what's important

this morning I severed some ties,
vowed to make some changes
my desicion left me feeling right,
happy even.

yet
I came home tonight and found an unwanted guest
the hole
right here in my chest
almost like before
but now, bigger

it wasn't healed
just covered,
for a while

I miss my Valentine.



At least I got a cute package from him:)

this picture makes me cry










I read your words over and over again, partially sustaining myself until I hear from you again.





I need a best friend.
Today I was going through all of my old pictures and got so nostalgic. I have lost a lot of really amazing friends in the past year. I still have some good friends, but I hardly ever see them. I don't have that one person that I could go to no matter what, that completely knows me and loves me for who I am. Someone who can cheer me up, make me laugh until I cry, and listen to all of my secrets. That's exactly what I need right now.

I do have a best friend, but he is leaving me for two years. And I really just need a girlfriend.

Yes it's cliche, but, it's so strange to be constantly surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone. To feel like no one has a clue what I'm going through, no one understands me. I try to explain to someone what I'm feeling and they dismiss it and act like I'm being dramatic. I'm not. Idealy I would lay in this bed all day today. To dream sounds like a relief. Yet, this morning I did wake from a nightmare.

I'm unhappy but how can I let go? Letting go would only increase the hurt.

time and eternity

I literally cannot wait to get married.

Sometimes I'm scared though. I see so many old couples who don't seem to love each other at all. I want to be loved and adored my whole life. Even when I'm all wrinkly. I know I'll love my husband forever. He will always be the most handsome man in the world. I hope he will feel the same about me.


I know who I want to marry. Maybe I'm too young to know that and maybe I'm wrong. But if I did marry him I'd be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.

you don't know how lovely you are

I love Coldplay. I want a boy with a beautiful voice to sing something so pretty to me.

zoe and megs

 

 miss you best friend

this love of ours is terrible news

If I had the choice of possessing any one talent in the world I think I would choose to be musically gifted. I would love to be able to write music, play it, and sing it.

I have attempted multiple times to write a song on the guitar. Every time I fail miserably. I guess music just isn't my forte.







I have to settle with simply enjoying the musical talent of others.

if only

how in the world did my life come to this?

i never could have imagined that i would be in the position i am in. life sucks sometimes. right now especially.

 

friends can really let you down.

calculator

bah. i wish i could put a specific word to how i am feeling.

am i happy? i don't think so.
i do smile. i most definitely laugh. just.. not like i used to.

tears come to my eyes too easily. i can't get that one thing off of my mind. i constantly have a pit in my stomach that will never go away. my chest aches. i don't understand how i can be in pain physically over something that is hurting me emotionally.

loneliness is
the worst feeling
i have felt.

i hate taking on life alone.

home sweet home

I'm not ready to move on.

I'm not ready to move on in lots of areas of my life.

I am most especially not ready to move out of my house and grow up.


I am moving out to an apartment for school, which I am extremely excited for. But, I was counting on being able to come home to visit my family. Now I have found out that my family is moving. 17 days before I move into my apartment. I get to move twice in less than a month. I know this shouldn't worry me but it does. I want to come visit my real home. Not some home I lived in for two weeks.

Moving out means growing up. I do feel like a grown up already but moving out on my own is a huge step. One I'm not ready for. But ready or not it's coming. Too fast.

take me away

I wish that I was in Kindergarten.

I wish that I could cry to my mom about the boys that are mean to me.

I wish that she would comfort me by telling me that they were mean because they had a crush on me.

I wish that I could believe that.

                                                                                                                                                                                                   

i need to stop wishing. 

i need to love my life exactly how it is.

I am a lot happier than usual though. Life is gradually getting better. :)