you hurt me,
you know you did
you left my chest empty

I moved on,
got new friends; got a life.
experienced a summer that was truly magical
that hole you left?
gone
it left me whole

but wait,
today I slowed down
this life caught up with me
I'd forgotten what's important

this morning I severed some ties,
vowed to make some changes
my desicion left me feeling right,
happy even.

yet
I came home tonight and found an unwanted guest
the hole
right here in my chest
almost like before
but now, bigger

it wasn't healed
just covered,
for a while

Yes it's cliche, but, it's so strange to be constantly surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone. To feel like no one has a clue what I'm going through, no one understands me. I try to explain to someone what I'm feeling and they dismiss it and act like I'm being dramatic. I'm not. Idealy I would lay in this bed all day today. To dream sounds like a relief. Yet, this morning I did wake from a nightmare.

I'm unhappy but how can I let go? Letting go would only increase the hurt.

I DON'T NEED YOU.
Any of you.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

hakuna matata

it means no worries for the rest of your days

it's our problem-free philosophy 

I am a very shy person. If I am ever around anyone I don't know I hardly speak at all. Some may have assumed me to be a mute. Not really, although that would be pretty cool come to think of it. As I was sitting on my bed pondering today I realized that I have wasted quite a large amount of my life with this whole being shy nonsense. That is all it is, complete and utter nonsense. I have missed many an opportunity to make friends because I was too scared to talk to someone. I have also heard many times that people assume me to be stuck-up or a snob because I never talk to them. I guess they believe that I find myself to be "too cool" for them. That is so far off from the truth. I honestly just wouldn't know how to even start a conversation.

This earlier mentioned pondering led me to a brilliant conclusion: I need to take a stand. I am done being the shy girl sitting in the corner. I am going to be out going. I am going to branch out, make friends, and have more fun. This summer my friends and I have been doing some pretty unusual activities. Some of which have forced me to be more forward with strangers or people I am less acquainted with. It has been some of the best times ever.

I am done letting my life pass me by while I watch sullenly from the sidelines. I am going to take life head on. And have a freaking awesome time with it. Life is flying by so quickly. I can't let it go without making sure I am doing my best to enjoy every second of it.

this love of ours is terrible news

If I had the choice of possessing any one talent in the world I think I would choose to be musically gifted. I would love to be able to write music, play it, and sing it.

I have attempted multiple times to write a song on the guitar. Every time I fail miserably. I guess music just isn't my forte.







I have to settle with simply enjoying the musical talent of others.

i quit

this whole 30 day challenge thing was too much for me. i give up.

it's summer time!! 

i still can't believe it.

i'm not even excited yet because it hasn't hit me.

but when it does i'm going to be so happy.

i am a Timpview High School graduate.

pretty sweet. i know.

i'm an 18 year old high school graduate.

i'm not ready for this.

in the words of taylor swift:

"oh i don't want to grow up, wish i never grew up
i could still be little
oh i don't want to grow up, wish i never grew up
it could still be simple"


that song makes me cry