Do you ever miss someone so much it hurts?

I always wanted a twin.

There is only one person who has the ability to always make you happy, and that's yourself.



Merry Christmas

I'm already sad that Christmas is over. This Christmas season I wasn't excited or anxious like I usually am, so I was pleasantly surprised by what a great holiday it was. I feel like low expectations always have the best results.

I had such an amazing time being with my family. Now that I don't live with them it's actually kind of fun when we get together haha. I got a lot of great presents! Flowerbomb perfume, an ipod dock, a movie, boots, a blanket, etc. All of my presents were surprises this year which was really fun, and I completely love everything I got! 

One of my favorite presents was a nice surprise email from Josh! It was really good to hear from him on Christmas because I was missing him so much. He sent me a package a couple days before full of food from the MTC: cookies, hot chocolate mix, candy canes, candy bars, etc. I absolutely loved it! Also, at the Warner Christmas party we got to talk to my two cousins who are on missions. We got to talk to my cousin Josh on the phone and we skyped with my cousin Taylor! It was really exciting! I was sad though that because Josh (not my cousin) is at the MTC he couldn't call or skype home. I had no need to worry though because today I received the best surprise ever... a phone call from Joshua!! He was flying to Lubbock and called me from the Dallas airport. I wasn't expecting it at all. Just hearing his voice made me cry. We only had three minutes to talk but it was just perfect.

With all of these missionaries in my life and their influence this Christmas I have been closer to the true meaning of the holiday than ever before. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. It truly brings me so much happiness. I don't know what I would do without it. Every year hearing about the birth of Jesus give me chills.

Luke 1:1-14
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed...And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, unto the city David, which is called Bethlehem... to be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men...

My favorite part of the Walker Christmas Eve party is acting out the nativity. We finish it off by singing Silent Night. You feel the spirit so strong and know that it's true.

Christmas truly is magical.

My dad took us kids to Disneyland this past weekend. It was so much fun! Disneyland at Christmas time is amazing. It's decorated so cute, some rides are festive, and the shows are all done to Christmas music. I loved it.

I came home and headed straight over to my apartment to check the mail... THREE letters from Josh! I couldn't be happier:) 

First email and first letter.

Best day ever:)

I came home on Tuesday night and Quincie had brought me ice cream and tons of sad movies. She also made me this fort. All to comfort me. We have been sleeping in the fort ever since. We brought our mattress's in and threw every blanket and pillow we have on top. It's the best, most comfy thing ever. Quincie calls it our nest. We are never sleeping in our rooms again. I have the best roommates ever.

Joshua and his dog Raspberry.

I love this.

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I ever did. And honestly it is harder today than it was yesterday. I hope it doesn't follow this pattern and progressively get worse. I love him, I miss him, and I am absolutely terrified that I am going to forget him.

Tonight I have to say goodbye.





I need a best friend.
Today I was going through all of my old pictures and got so nostalgic. I have lost a lot of really amazing friends in the past year. I still have some good friends, but I hardly ever see them. I don't have that one person that I could go to no matter what, that completely knows me and loves me for who I am. Someone who can cheer me up, make me laugh until I cry, and listen to all of my secrets. That's exactly what I need right now.

I do have a best friend, but he is leaving me for two years. And I really just need a girlfriend.

I often wonder why the obvious right thing is sometimes so freaking tough.



For me at least.

I know it's pretty dumb but I just really love this song.
The music video isn't my favorite but it is a good song.

Ten things a 5-year-old is grateful for on Thanksgiving:

1.food

2.people

3.shows

4.buildings

5.water

6.toys

7.treats

8.houses

9.presents

10.all stuff except guns or swords or bombs or nothing like that

Yes it's cliche, but, it's so strange to be constantly surrounded by people and still feel utterly alone. To feel like no one has a clue what I'm going through, no one understands me. I try to explain to someone what I'm feeling and they dismiss it and act like I'm being dramatic. I'm not. Idealy I would lay in this bed all day today. To dream sounds like a relief. Yet, this morning I did wake from a nightmare.

I'm unhappy but how can I let go? Letting go would only increase the hurt.

chubs

My mom dropped me off at my apartment today after I had been home all weekend because I got my wisdom teeth out. She decided to go to work so I got to babysit my precious adorable baby brother. Yay:) He got all cuddled up on my bed and pretended to be asleep so I could take a picture.

time and eternity

I literally cannot wait to get married.

Sometimes I'm scared though. I see so many old couples who don't seem to love each other at all. I want to be loved and adored my whole life. Even when I'm all wrinkly. I know I'll love my husband forever. He will always be the most handsome man in the world. I hope he will feel the same about me.


I know who I want to marry. Maybe I'm too young to know that and maybe I'm wrong. But if I did marry him I'd be the happiest and luckiest girl in the world.

you don't know how lovely you are

I love Coldplay. I want a boy with a beautiful voice to sing something so pretty to me.

I DON'T NEED YOU.
Any of you.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

 Josh and I went shopping yesterday.

This is my favorite shirt I got.

Also, I just barely finished my first ever college test! Pretty impressive, I know.



Josh got his mission call! Lubbuck, Texas mission! I am so happy for him and so so proud of him! He is going to make an incredible missionary. I am excited for him to go but I miss him already.

You know you're lonely when...
You look forward to going to work for an 8 hour shift
You actually get excited for school
And you are slightly disappointed when you finish your homework.


You know you're lonely when you almost cry because your favorite tv shows are ending for the season and now you'll have nothing to do on Monday or Tuesday nights.

You know you're lonely when you have nothing better to do than do than sit in your room and take creepy pictures of yourself.

You know you're lonely when..
You find yourself going to bed at 9 simply because you have nothing to do
And you make up a reason to call your mom just so you can have someone to talk to.




You know you're lonely when you talk to your teddy bear every night before you go to sleep.

case closed

I am such an awful person. Seriously, I suck.

I am a judger.

I see someone and I immediately judge their appearance. I am pretty brutal about it too. I never say what I think aloud but I know it is still just as bad. If I'm around them long enough to hear them talk I feel like I have them completely figured out after I hear about a sentence.

This is a really terrible habit and I need to stop it.

I have absolutely no right to criticize someone based on what they look like.

Or how or what they talk about.

Everyone has a story and I have no idea what it is.

I often wonder what people think of me when they see me or listen to me talk. Probably some pretty bad stuff I wouldn't even want to know. Although with that said, I wish I had the power to know what everyone around me was thinking. That would be rad.

Let's all just love each other. Sounds good to me.



contrary to popular belief

Some of the best things in life are the little enjoyable occurrences that happen randomly throughout your day. Being happy over a huge event is awesome, but sometimes I prefer being happy over the little things.

Today a certain person called me. I was so happy that once we hung up I started singing about it. "He called me. He called me". Over and over again, just like that.

It was nice.

Being in college I feel so insignificant. I'm just one of thousands of people at school and no one even notices me or pays particular attention to me. I kind of like it that way.

The insignificance is sort of a lonely feeling too though. I don't have my mom here to care about how my day went. I don't get asked everyday what I learned at school. If I didn't come back to my apartment at night no one would worry. I don't get to kiss my baby brother goodnight anymore. I'm totally on my own. It's bitter-sweet.

Othello

Yesterday I read the Shakespeare play Othello.

I don't understand why Shakespeare always has to kill everyone off in the end.

so long sweet summer

Summer is done.

College starts on Monday.

That is all.

you can plan for a change in the weather and time but i never planned on you changing your mind

I remember a moment in my life when I was around seven. I arrived with my mom at the grocery store and as we pulled into the parking space I looked to my right and saw a pretty teenage girl sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to us. This memory has stuck to me because the girl had tears running down her cheeks. She was the loneliest thing I have ever seen.

Today I was that girl. The girl crying alone in her car at the stoplight.

:)

I'm happy. Like really happy. My life is great. I just want to smile. ALL THE TIME.

Considering this happy mood I am in I wanted everyone reading this to be happy too. So look at this picture...

... realize it's true. And smile, like me.

pretty fly for a wifi

This is my new home. Not a very good picture, I know. Remember that whole me being nervous and scared to move out business? Well I had absolutely no reason to worry! I am loving life. So much. I love my apartment, I love my roommates, and I love living on my own. Granted, it has only been two days but it has been a pretty darn good two days:)

Now on to the next obstacle in my life. COLLEGE. It is looming before me and try as I might I can't get it to stop coming. I am freaking out. Every time I think about it I tear up. It's pretty bad. Hopefully it will be like this whole moving out experience and I will eventually love it. I can see that happening. Maybe.

tumblr

I got a Tumblr and I love it. If you love to blog then you would love a Tumblr. It's like blogging but easier. You don't have to write as much. It's more about pictures and cute little sayings. Mine is 13megnicole.tumblr.com. I have a whole following of one. Impressive, I know. 

On another note, I am moving out in two days! Two freaking days. Up until this point I have been so nervous and pretty much dreading the move. Now I'm not sure if I can wait until Wednesday. It's going to be great:)

I know this post is boring so I thought I would share a picture of me and my dad from back in the day:

Gotta love awkwardfamilyphotos.com.
 

love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

robert heinlein

beauty is not caused. it is.

emily dickinson

they say you only live once.

you're only young once too.

i'm scared to grow up and become boring.

party while you're young. while you still want to.


"life is too short not to make the best and the most of everything that comes your way everyday"
 

the bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before.

from good will hunting

skies are crying. i am watching. catching teardrops in my hands.
only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance.
do you have to make me feel like there is nothing left of me?

demi lavato

yum

One day I hope to be able to make the perfect cupcake.

new paint

I'm eighteen, moving out, and starting college. How in the world did my life go by so quickly? I feel like this whole "growing up" topic has been greatly over used lately. I don't care though. Because all I know is that I am way too freaking old. 

Contrary to my previous plan I am moving with my family to our new house. Tomorrow. This is the last night I will sleep in our current home. Over the past couple of days I have been reminiscing over all of the many memories that took place here.

My family moved to this house when I was in third grade. I was eight. It has been ten years since then. Sometimes I wish I could be eight again. Moving into a brand new house with most of my childhood ahead of me. I would do a lot differently.

After moving tomorrow I will move again in less than two weeks. This time by myself. It will be sad to come home and visit my family in an unfamiliar house. But oh well. I need to stop complaining. I have been very blessed. The situation my family is in with this new home is honestly miraculous. Everything has fallen into place so perfectly. We couldn't have done it without the help of some amazing people. We are so lucky to have them in our lives.


Come tomorrow I will say goodbye to this house and move on. It is the start of a new part of my life.


I am going to make it a good one.

wait, they don't love you like I love you

I know I blog too much. I have way too much time on my hands lately and nothing better to do. Plus I just love it. My new favorite thing is the website stumbleupon. You find the most interesting things on that sight. It's a more productive waste of time than Facebook or Twitter. Probably.

some nice pictures I "stumbled upon".