i feel like that's what my life is lately. disappointment after disappointment.
i really don't like sharing my life with others. especially when i have been hurt, but, i feel like i need to let my feelings out.
josh and i broke up. it happened a couple of weeks ago and it's all my fault. i have a very limited capacity to handle hurt or stress so when josh and i would fight i couldn't handle it. i broke up with him a lot during our fights but realized what a mistake i made and by the next morning i would ask for him back. he was always very forgiving.
well, this scenario happened a couple of weeks ago and the next morning josh didn't want me back..
he said it is because he will be going on a mission soon and he can't have me wait for him. which is completely understandable and probably a good idea. i was alright with it, i really was. but it seems that he was been able to move on from me a lot faster than i would have imagined he could. and i am heartbroken.
josh was my best friend. we hardly went a day without seeing each other. i would text him the moment i woke up and we would be talking all day until i fell asleep. i am so lonely without him. i know it's for the best but i feel like if it was the right thing i wouldn't be so sad. "you tell me this is for the best. so tell me why am i in tears?"
it is embarrassing i guess that i just wrote a huge post about him being my first love. i was tempted to delete it but i realized that nothing can change the fact that he was my first love. and he always will be.
and even though he hurt me, i still love him.
The silver lining on this situation is that i have really amazing friends. while i was at work the other night they chalked my whole driveway. writing lots of stuff to cheer me up. i came home to the surprise and inside found a "care package" they left me. it included a book, a movie, a gift certificate to dairy queen to get myself some ice cream, and some magleby's chocolate cake.
i love you b-varge, bugs, tslide, and moe.
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